When things aren't what they seem

Ian, Jim, Will, Bill, Lynne, Bobb, Barbara, Mary, Jeanette, Steve L, Kim, Kirsten
Oct 12

It was an international evening at Conrads last night, ranging from Yorkshire pudding and Germanic Superman to how to ask for a cup of tea in Spanish or Japanese - reinforcing tea as the international language.
Ian was his usual squeamish self, talking with middle-class English distaste of words like uterus and whether a a father should be present at his child's birth. Ian, who has so far skipped, ducked and otherwise avoided fatherhood (as far as we know) said he wouldn't dream of being at a birth. Indeed, his father was sent away by his mother to play golf at the climactic moment. It's a strange phenomenon (Greek classists please note) that fathers are so eager to start the reproductive process but so reluctant to witness its natural conclusion - I do not include Caesarians or other surgical procedures. Maybe we are programmed to move onto the next project, whatever it may be, while the mother is unavoidably preoccupied with rearing the infant. Such biological imperatives are deeply incorrect politically, but sometimes physical necessarity has an inconvenient way of getting in the way of our preconceptions (or even our conceptions).
Bobb was wearing one of his super-hero, as opposed to Superman - t-shirts, fearing one of said heros with a boy of seemingly early pubescent years leaning with his elbow on hero's knee. It seemed to me that the boy's elbow was suspiciously near his hero's crotch, a view confirmed by what looked very much like an heroic erection. Ian thought Superman was Germanic, but is he merely gay? He certainly seems keen to impress.
Lynne confessed that since childhood she has retained a piece of nonsense speech which she is convinced means 'Would you like a cup of tea?' in Japanese. A quick internet search soon produced a translation, but it was impossible to tell how accurate it was as it was in Japanese script.
At this, Barbara volunteered that Japanese was one of several languages she had studied, including Spanish, Italian and Russian. She was unable to enlighten us as to the correct Japanese for 'Would you like a cup of tea?' but did correct the internet attempt at a Spanish translation, which just goes to show that you can't believe everything you read on the internet - but we kinda knew that, didn't we?
Up the far end of the lounge, all bar seats were taken for an enthralling audience watching the NLSC Championship game between the Dodgers and Phillies. The Dodgers were winning for most of the evening, sparking great whoops of triumph. But they still lost and that may be that, as the Phillies lead the best-of-seven series 3-1. I hate to admit it, but they seem to be the better team. This time. For the moment. We'll be back next year.
Will had most of us scratching our heads over the names of his two favorite magazines. They were both about film, and I guessed that one was called Film Fun, an old British cartoon comic that died out in the 1950s or 1960s. But it was a trick question, as Will's other favourite was also Film Fun - the US version!
Finally, Lynne offered a complex and incomprehensible explanation of why Yorkshire pudding isn't a pudding. In truth, it's only batter with some leftover gravy mixed in. But it's meant to fill up the consumer, and a name like pudding helps to do that.

CAUGHT ON THE BREEZE
When my mother gave birth she told my father to play golf.
I can only remember two languages at once.
It wasn't so much a relief rally as a hand relief rally
I don't sound Essex, do I?
My to-do list goes back twenty years